static

stat·ic
adj.
Having no motion; being at rest; quiescent.
Fixed; stationary.

When you flick to a channel without a nice, coherent signal on the television and you get a screen filled with constantly changing little black and white dots, why is it called static? Shouldn't it be called something other than the exact opposite of what it is?

Well, tonight I discovered the holy grail of static: static static. That's right: on channel 24 on my television is a random pattern of black and white dots that doesn't change. The pattern stays exactly the same, with none of the dots ever changing position in any way. It's quite the enigma, really. It looks like the little gremlin inside the tube who spatters the screen with white paint 30 times per second got tired and went to bed, too lazy to fulfill his essential duty to maintain the paradox. And now the paradox has collapsed. On channel 24.